She wakes to the sounds of sirens

She feels as if she’s moments away from dying

Her body feels heavy to the sound of her alarm

She slowly gets up holding her breath all day

Gasping for air at night

Maybe deep down inside she was already dead

Her heart may be full

But her soul is filled with dread

Her brain is soiled with depression

And her thoughts are immersed in obsession

She sits on her bed heaving through corrupted lungs

She cries feeling like she lost everything when he died

For 5, 10, 15 minutes

Tears roll down her cheeks

Until she is done

She washes her tears and goes about her day

5 minutes to run

To the bus

No turning back

Keep running

Exposed…naked like the truth

 that knows will show through her well-placed mask

no emotion

Walking while lost in an ocean

Of people

She walks in through the doors

And talks to the same faces

As if everything was okay

As if all she ever wanted was

Life

Lately she’s been getting stressed

About Life

About taking care of everyone

Thinking about how it could be

She has a lot of pain from her past

It tends to grow on her

The weakness, bitterness, and wrath

Turning her bright mind darker

The day goes by too fast

Because next thing you know

The final bell rings

Regardless of how long you thought the day was

Today was a confliction

Knowing Life was on your mind

Knowing that there are two sides

She hates feeling like she’s being replaced

By this new her,

 She misses the old her

The one from

Before he died

The shadows are consuming her

But at least they save her from prying eyes

The socially antisocial girl who only has

Surface talent

That’s it

As soon as you look deeper into her soul

You realize not everything is beautiful

The fact that all she tries is in vain

Only adds gasoline and chemicals

To the fire inside her brain

She gets to her house

Only to find out

Nothing has changed